General parenting


When Love Is The Trigger

When Love Is The Trigger


Posted By on Feb 14, 2015

(It’s Valentine’s Day and love is all around. So here is a post to honour those whose path to true love is a little rocky). Why do attachment-disordered children struggle so hard to accept our Love, the very stuff that would help them heal? Because love brings with it promises that were never fulfilled; promises of safety, loyalty, protection and comfort. For these children, Love is simply a trigger for the hurt, and the...

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Help required!


Posted By on Jun 17, 2014

Help required! Nine-year-old girl in search of calm, safe father. Who can stand tall and steadfast in the gales of my furies and confusions. Who can guide me without boring me. Who can remind without nagging. Who can tell funny jokes. Who will accept me as I am, for life. Where did I lose myself amid her outbursts and the eggshells? When did my sands start to erode? When did I start to think that tension would shore us all up a bit...

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Some of us have children who behave in ways that would leave any parent feeling inadequate, powerless and utterly helpless. As a result of a daily diet of defiance, provocation, and maybe even assault, we can become so possessed with feelings, that there is no meditation, mantra, centering, breathing, or self acceptance practice that can anchor us to a peaceful body and mind. It’s a fact of life, that no matter how secure and well...

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Re-filling the tank


Posted By on Apr 2, 2014

It was my birthday on Tuesday, and my wife and I went for a mid-morning Indian Head Massage. We have fairly tightly-defined routines that allow us to check-in briefly a couple of times a day, but not much more. In contrast, on Tuesday morning, all we could do was sit comfortably whilst two therapists gently rubbed our scalps. When our time was up, I turned to my wife and saw someone who was – for that moment – without...

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When Parenting Hurts

When Parenting Hurts


Posted By on Sep 25, 2013

Children’s lives depend on their parents.   They look to us to provide protection, boundaries, strength, and leadership. This is especially true for children with histories of broken attachments, loss, and trauma. Yet these are the children who can test our resources to the limit (and beyond). Parenting wounded children can be a relentless, intense and painful experience, not least because we are at risk of secondary trauma and...

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The Gift of Containment

The Gift of Containment


Posted By on Sep 23, 2013

For a child to feel contained when he goes into high arousal, you need to stay calm and strong. If you do, you are acting as an emotional regulator for his highly overwhelmed state: This is containment. It is a very beautiful gift to a child locked in rage Margot Sunderland, How to Help Children Locked In Rage and Hate   When our children are struggling, or suffering, or acting out, or hurt, we receive an intense jolt of energy...

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